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Gifts Dad Wants Other Than Another Tie
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Father Know's Best: Quotes and Advice From the Dads of the CBS-FM Staff
1.%20A%20Parachute
My%20father%20always%20bemoans%20slow%20drivers%20on%20the%20highway.%20Get%20a%20parachute%20for%20your%20dad%20and%20avoid%20the%20traffic%21%20Need%20to%20get%20to%20work%3F%20SWOOP.%20Need%20milk%20from%20the%20grocery%20store%3F%20SWOOOP.%20Have%20nothing%20to%20do%3F%20SWOOOOP%21
2.%20Time%20Machine
He%26%238217%3Bs%20always%20talking%20about%20the%20%26%238220%3Bgood%20ol%26%238217%3B%20days%2C%26%238221%3B%20as%20if%20the%20advent%20of%20Facebook%20and%20hybrid%20cars%20has%20created%20a%20generation%20of%20sissies.%20Send%20him%20back%20to%20those%20%26%238220%3Bbetter%20times.%26%238221%3B%20He%20won%26%238217%3Bt%20be%20able%20to%20complain%20anymore%2C%20and%20he%26%238217%3Bll%20realize%20how%20annoying%20it%20is%20to%20live%20without%20a%20cell%20phone.%20
3.%20Superhero%20Outfit
What%20better%20way%20to%20inflate%20your%20dad%26%238217%3Bs%20ego%20on%20Father%26%238217%3Bs%20Day%20then%20buying%20him%20a%20superhero%20costume%3F%20With%20a%20cape%2C%20everything%20seems%20more%20heroic.%20Paying%20for%20that%20traffic%20bill%20will%20be%20%26%238220%3BIN%20THE%20NAME%20OF%20JUSTICE.%26%238221%3B
4.%20Telepathy%20%2F%20Heat%20Vision
Or%20just%20give%20the%20guy%20a%20superpower.%20With%20telepathy%20he%20can%20read%20your%20mom%26%238217%3Bs%20thoughts%20and%20realize%20a%20trip%20to%20the%20local%20putt-putt%20course%20is%20not%20considered%20a%20romantic%20getaway.%20With%20heat%20vision%20he%20can%20barbecue%20without%20using%20those%20messy%20charcoal%20pieces.%20%20
5.%20Pirate%20Riches
Giving%20money%20as%20a%20gift%20isn%26%238217%3Bt%20classy.%20So%20why%20not%20give%20him%20GOLDEN%20money.%20%28Extra%20points%20if%20the%20treasure%20doesn%26%238217%3Bt%20have%20a%20curse%20on%20it%20that%20is%20only%20broken%20through%20an%20elaborate%2C%20sea-buckling%20adventure.%29
6.%20His%20Own%20Baseball%20Team
If%20I%20hear%20my%20dad%20complain%20about%20the%20ridiculousness%20of%20athletes%26%238217%3B%20inflated%20salaries%20one%20more%20time%20I%20will%20spontaneously%20combust.%20With%20his%20own%20sports%20team%2C%20a%20dad%20can%20run%20things%20HIS%20way.%20%28Fred%20Wilpon%20got%20all%20mixed%20up%20with%20the%20Madoffs%2C%20so%20the%20Mets%20might%20be%20on%20sale%20soon%26%238230%3B%29
7.%20Fonzsworth%20Bentley
Bentley%20rose%20to%20fame%20by%20carrying%20Sean%20%26%238220%3BDiddy%26%238221%3B%20Combs%26%238217%3B%20umbrella%20and%20wearing%20a%20bow-tie%20simultaneously.%20So%20he%26%238217%3Bs%20the%20obvious%20choice%20for%20your%20dad%26%238217%3Bs%20valet%20%2F%20assistant%20%2F%20umbrella-carrier%20%2F%20food-feeder%20%2F%20climbing-up-stairs-carrier.
8.%20Sitar
Lots%20of%20chicks%20dig%20musicians.%20Give%20your%20dad%20a%20sitar%20and%20he%20can%20woo%20your%20mother%20like%20a%20Middle%20Ages-era%20Hindu.%20Soooo%20hipster.%20
9.%20A%20Crime%20Conglomerate
Does%20he%20love%20%26%238220%3BThe%20Sopranos%3F%26%238221%3B%20Organize%20a%20complex%20crime%20organization%20and%20then%20give%20your%20father%20the%20reigns.%20He%20can%20wear%20a%20pinstripe%20suit%20and%20say%20things%20like%20%26%238220%3BFuhgeddaboutit%26%238221%3B%20and%20not%20feel%20like%20a%20poser.
10.%20A%20Snuggie
C%26%238217%3Bmon.%20Everyone%20wants%20a%20snuggie.%20If%20they%20say%20they%20don%26%238217%3Bt%2C%20then%20they%26%238217%3Bre%20lying.
11.%20A%20Cannon
The%20second%20amendment%20protects%20a%20%26%238220%3Bright%20to%20bear%20arms%26%238221%3B%20and%20this%20totally%20counts.%20Your%20dad%20will%20have%20more%20fun%20shooting%20off%20the%20cannon%20if%20you%20also%20buy%20him%20a%20powdered%20wig.
12.%20His%20Own%20Country
Think%20about%20the%20things%20your%20dad%20complains%20about.%20Taxes.%20No%20parking%20spots.%20Those%20friggin%26%238217%3B%20hooligans%20stepping%20on%20his%20lawn.%20With%20his%20own%20country%2C%20you%26%238217%3Bll%20never%20have%20to%20hear%20his%20angry%20rants%20again.
13.%20His%20Own%20Religion%2FCult
Kim%20Jong%20Il%20has%20millions%20of%20adoring%2C%20brainwashed%20followers%2C%20why%20shouldn%26%238217%3Bt%20papa%3F%20
14.%20Gnomes
Gnomes%20aren%26%238217%3Bt%20really%20that%20useful%2C%20but%20he%20won%26%238217%3Bt%20see%20this%20one%20coming%20at%20ALL.%20%26%238220%3BGuess%20what%20I%20got%20you%20for%20Father%26%238217%3Bs%20Day%26%238230%3B%26%238221%3B
15.%20A%20Tiger
As%20popularized%20by%20%26%238220%3BThe%20Hangover%2C%26%238221%3B%20tigers%20aren%26%238217%3Bt%20JUST%20super%20dangerous%20jungle%20cats.%20They%20can%20also%20be%20pets%21%20Your%20dad%20can%20ride%20the%20tiger%2C%20pet%20the%20tiger%2C%20and%20get%20two%20tigers%20and%20pit%20them%20against%20each%20other%20in%20a%20%26%238220%3BLast%20Tiger%20Standing%26%238221%3B%20face-off.
16.%20An%20iPod...%20for%20the%20Tiger
Tigers%20got%20jamz%20too.
1. A Parachute
My father always bemoans slow drivers on the highway. Get a parachute for your dad and avoid the traffic! Need to get to work? SWOOP. Need milk from the grocery store? SWOOOP. Have nothing to do? SWOOOOP!
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